Yes, it's true. I have recently been crowned "World’s Meanest Mommy" by my adoring 7-year old! Yes, that’s right – all of you who have been diligently vying for the title can now stop practicing your talent routines and polishing up your “world peace” speech. The crown has been awarded, and I have no doubt I’ll have absolutely no problem fulfilling any and all duties as required!
What have I done to earn this highly sought after title? What HAVEN’T I done?? In fact, just this week alone I have:
• Took him to Summer Camp (yes, I knowingly abandoned him in an environment with other kids, games, activities, outdoor events and other evil tortures...)
• Took him back to camp on Day 2 after receiving explicit instructions that he had absolutely no interest in returning (I obviously don’t take direction well!)
• Asked him if he wanted to make his bed or brush his teeth first before heading out to the aforementioned camp (I know, can you imagine??)
• Refused to buy him a ginger cookie from Starbucks as a treat for surviving Day 2 of camp (NOTE: Offering to make them at home does not produce brownie (or cookie) points!)
• Suggested that he should have drank all of the water in his thermos at camp, after complaining of being hot (NOTE: Cold, fresh, filtered eco-friendly water – not pond water, puddle water, toilet water…).
And, don’t worry, I’m obviously full of equal opportunity nastiness – and have cemented my title outside of the camp venue this week as well:
• Made him get out of the public swimming pool (NOTE: The fact that we were there swimming for two straight hours and the public swim time was actually over is apparently irrelevant.)
• Mixed the soy sauce into the rice without letting him put it on himself (Did you know it tastes differently??)
• Didn’t buy him a dog when we were at the pet store to pick up hamster food (Since when does a Retriever become an impulse purchase??)
• Made his sandwich with mixed greens instead of romaine lettuce (apparently, it’s all about the crunch…)
• Told him that he shouldn’t worry about the fact that the bouncy castle was covered in Disney Princesses… (Seriously, is the bounce impacted that much??)
Can you imagine if I included all of my “mean mommy” evidence from the last seven years? No one else would stand a chance!
But the best part of “Meanest Mommy in the World”? The hug, the kiss and the “I love you, Mommy” I still get at the end of every day. And that’s even cooler than the crown… (most days!)