At a recent birthday celebration (we won’t mention the
age!), I took a second to appreciate the room full of not only amazing family
members, but also fantastic friends who have been in my life for years. Many of
these friends have been with me through highs, lows, and everything in between
– and besides, they know where the bodies are buried so it’s good to keep them
close by!
That being said, the majority of these friends are people
who I’ve known from high school or even earlier. It got me thinking – is it
really that much harder to develop long-lasting friendships as you get older? Not
just the “grab-a-coffee” friends or “let’s-chat-about-last-night’s-Big-Brother”
friends or the “hey-you’ve-got-toilet-paper-tucked-into-your-skirt” friends…
I’m talking about the honest-to-goodness “I-would-share-my-last-glass-of-wine-with-you”
connection. A real true friend!
When my son makes new friends, it’s often a simple “Wanna be
my friend?” that creates a potential lifelong buddy. Since my life doesn’t
necessarily revolve around playgrounds and Pokemon, it definitely seems a bit
tougher.
When I was on mat leave, there weren’t many friends off at
the same time, so I threw myself into whatever local ‘mommy events’ & Early
Years Centre groups I could find. To say it wasn’t exactly a raging success is
an understatement. I went in desperate for adult conversation and some touch of
the “mommy bonding” – and came out desperate to jam a fork in my eye! It was
the same group of people each time, and it felt more like a walking “brag book”
then an actual support group. (Seriously, if your kid slept through the night
from Day 1, nursed like a champ at all times, napped 20 hours a day, was
reading by 6 months of age, and painlessly grew a full set of teeth at the same
time – just assume we can’t be friends!)
What I learned is not to give up. I have been so fortunate to stumble upon so many amazing people who make me feel like less of a basket case mom - people who just "get it". And I'm sure it's made me a better mom - and a better person - to have those outlets and such support. Never try to do it alone.
End of story, right? Not quite… As I looked around that room at
that infamous birthday event not so long ago, I was so grateful to be able to
see “news friend” amongst my “true friends”. Seeing people who not only "knew me when" but also people who know me now - and like what they see - has been incredibly gratifying. I'm so glad that their answer to my “Will you be my friend” has been a
resounding “yes”!
Great post! I do think that as we get older it is harder to develop that "true lifelong friendship", the ones we have when we are younger, seemed easier to come by then. I had to let go of a 28 year friendship last year, due to the stress of seeing a girlfriend going on a downward spiral of addiction to pain killers (Opiates) for 7 years. Was the hardest decision ever! I don't believe I will ever have a friendship that close again.
ReplyDeleteI think the times have also changed alot. It's alot harder for people to trust others now a days. I'm not sure why it seems different now then when I was a teenager, it just does. I guess after a long friendship like I had with all the lies, that is probably what is deterring me from having that super close bond with someone again. For fear of having to go through that again. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone to go through.
But as you said, I do have some amazing people in my life that I am very grateful to have met. I would be a headcase without them. LOL :)