My Life-After-Cancer-Choose-Your-Own-Adventure-Journey

As I approach the two-year anniversary of the onset of my cancer treatment (which, thankfully, also means we’ll be approaching my two-year anniversary of having it all completed and behind me…), I’ve been able to step back and truly figure out where I am in my journey. Common sense dictates that my cancer journey should officially be over but I’ve come to realize that common sense is not always so common.

Although having cancer was merely one chapter within my journey, I’ve come to realize that, similar to a “choose-your-own-adventure” book, that chapter has greatly influenced the direction of the current and future journeys.

One of the things I’m certain about is that life is filled with uncertainties. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I don’t even know how I’m going to feel about whatever it is that does happen. What I do know, however, is that life is an adventure – and I’m going to do whatever I can to choose the pages that send me down the path towards the ‘happily ever after’.

My hair grows incredibly slowly. After a year and half it still isn’t anywhere near I thought it would be and every time I look in the mirror I still think “in progress”.
But it is growing and it’s long enough to get messed up in the wind on a beautiful summer day.

My body hasn’t fully bounced back from the weight gained during my treatment.
But I’m here and I’m healthy and there aren’t tons of deadly drugs or radiation waves flowing through me anymore.

I still have residual numbness and lack of strength in my arm from my surgery.
But my arms are still strong enough to wrap around all of the people I love in my life.

I can’t help but see my scars and radiation tattoos every single day that serve as constant and permanent reminders of what I’ve been through.
But they are also permanent reminders of what I survived.

I can’t hear phrases like “two-time cancer survivor” or “three-time cancer survivor” or stories about people who have been forced to endure this journey more than once without  feeling the pain through my very core.
But I choose to focus on the word “survivor” and how important it is for me to be grateful for where I am in life right now.

I still have days where I feel sad and think about everything I lost since being diagnosed with cancer – friends, strength and the belief that things like that “can’t happen to me”.
But more often than not I have days where I’m extremely grateful when I think about everything I have gained since being diagnosed with cancer – friends, strength and the knowledge that things like that can happen to me… and I’m stronger for it.

There are days where I still wake up feeling somewhat lost and sad.
But I wake up.

It can be incredibly frustrating to have things like this just “happen” to a person, with no choice in the matter.
But I can choose to focus on what I can control – my passions in life, my happiness, my love for my friends & family… That’s an adventure I would choose every single time.

I'm Running... But Not Necessarily Why You'd Think

 
This time of year always seems full of new beginnings and inspiration – maybe even more than New Years. Maybe it’s the new routines that come with the whole back-to-school world, or perhaps it’s the pull to get outside and enjoy the beautiful Fall weather but I’m always filled with a little bit of restlessness that needs to be channeled into something productive. It’s always seemed like good timing that the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure takes place in the Fall, as it gives me a focus to not only work off the “summer excess” but also channels my energy into a worthwhile cause.

My boys and I have been taking part in this event for the last four or five years and it has always been an incredibly emotional and inspiring experience. Last year, being in the middle of my own cancer journey, everyone understood why we were running. Even though the physical demands were incredibly difficult and the emotional strains were tough to overcome, but obviously the prospect of a cure to end our current suffering was our focus.

This year I have no doubt that everyone will assume I’m running because I had cancer last year. And I am. It is an incredibly moving and overwhelming experience to be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with other woman who are fighting similar battles or with family members who are honouring those whose battles ended far too soon. At the finish line last year I watched a woman in the identifiable pink “survivor shirt” cross the finish line to cheers and hugs from at least 20-30 people with her name emblazoned on the back of their shirts. There were smiles and tears and, to me, it personified the reasons why we do this run.

So yes, I’m running because I’m a cancer survivor – or surTHRIVOR, as the inspirational Look Good Feel Better workshops founder, Sherry Abbott, wrote. I’m eternally grateful to be on the other side of this journey and I want to make sure that neither I, nor any of my loved ones, ever have to deal with such an ordeal again. I’m running to raise both money and awareness and to send good karma out to the universe in the hopes that positive energy can help eradicate something so incredibly negative. This year, as always, I am running for a cure – but this year, I’m also running for so much more: 

• I’m running because one in nine women diagnosed with this disease is one woman too many.

• I’m running so that no woman ever has to feel like a patient and not a woman.

• I’m running so that no woman ever has to look at the scars on her breasts – or the places where her breasts used to be – and ever feel less than a beautiful woman.

• I’m running so that no other woman ever has to sit beside her little boy as he helps pull out handfuls of her hair.

• I’m running so that no other man has to look at his wife and be forced to imagine a future without her.

• I’m running so that no child ever has to write “My Mom” as their reason for joining the event.

• I’m running so that no woman ever has to attend their child’s school event and fight back tears as they wonder if they’ll ever get to see another one.

• I’m running so that every woman can look forward to and attend their children’s milestones in life and cheer them on every step of the way.

• I’m running so that friendships are never lost because the journey has become too complicated or difficult.

• I’m running so that no woman ever has to feel lost and alone as they navigate their “new normal” following their own journey.

• I’m running so that no woman ever has to face losing their battle and the thought of leaving her friends and family behind.

• I’m running so that no family or friends ever have to say goodbye.

• I’m running because I love my son and my husband more than life itself and they’re not getting rid of me that easily! ;)

I’m also running because my incredibly 9-year old has set a goal to beat both my husband and myself in fundraising donations. So if you’re looking to donate, it’s a great cause – and if you’re looking to help beat cancer AND make a little boy's day, you can donate here .

For more information on the CIBC Run for the Cure, as well as how to Register, Donate or Volunteer, join the conversation on Twitter or Facebook.

Cancer doesn't discriminate

When I shared my “D-Day” (aka “Diagnosis Day”) details with my friends and family last year, the overriding response was “Why you?”. No one in my family has ever had cancer; I work out 2-3 times a week; I eat relatively healthy (hey, I even willingly ate kale!); and have never suffered more than a cold throughout my entire life. So admittedly, I was on the “Why me” train with the rest of them.

Here’s what the past year has taught me – why NOT me? Cancer doesn’t read the checklists. It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care if the “rules” show that you shouldn’t have it. It doesn’t care that you weren’t planning to get sick. It doesn’t care that you didn’t see this coming. It doesn’t care if you don’t feel strong enough to deal with it. It doesn’t care if you have a lifetime of plans and goals ahead of you still to achieve. It doesn’t care whether you’re young, old or somewhere in between. It doesn’t care if you have a loving partner or supportive friends & family that count on you. It doesn’t care if you have children at home who could not (and should not) have to imagine a life without you. It has its own agenda and truly couldn’t care less about yours.

So if these checklists don’t mean as much as we thought they did, we really only have two options. Continue to bemoan our fate and worry on what should or shouldn’t be… or make a new checklist. A checklist that allows us to take some of the power back and focus on the things that we CAN control. We fight for – and enjoy – every single minute we have.

We fight even harder knowing that there are things beyond our control.

We continue to build our bodies to be “un-cancer-friendly” environments.

We eat the foods that make cancer run in the opposite direction.

We work out to make sure our bodies are ready to fight off any intruder.

We go for regularly scheduled doctor’s appointments and we do self-exams on a regular basis.

We make sure our heads are not stuck in the sand somewhere and we arm ourselves with the knowledge that makes us powerful.

We listen to our bodies and appreciate them for all that they are and all that they give us.

We look around us and make sure we are surrounded by a positive, loving, support network.

We make sure to let this support network know how much they mean to us.

We recognize that every day is a gift and it is our choice every single day to decide whether to celebrate it or take it for granted.

We make a conscious effort not to ‘sweat the small stuff’ – compared to the thought of not being there for your family and loved ones, does anything else truly compare?

If cancer doesn’t read the checklists, then maybe it’s time to focus on a different list. Perhaps instead of focusing on the question of “Why me” we should simply focus our energies on “Me”…